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it comes as a .wmv-file (~4 MB, 1:14,///Audio-Codec: WM 9.1; Video-Codec: WMV 9 ):
http://www.inf.fh-flensburg.de/hoefs/+t ... ehmann.wmv

as an alternative, here's a Quicktime (12 MB)
http://www.inf.fh-flensburg.de/hoefs/+t ... ehmann.mov
[qt]720,416,http://www.inf.fh-flensburg.de/hoefs/+t ... ehmann.mov[/qt]


It's the second scene, inside the bank (first scene is in the harbour, third one too.)

Klaus Hoefs wrote:it comes as a .wmv-file ...

it came weird here ...

did you try RMB/Save As and then giving it to WMedia-Player ???

Anyway, I'll try to upload another format...

Here is a QuickTime (12 MB):
http://www.inf.fh-flensburg.de/hoefs/+t ... ehmann.mov

I could DL the WLV and play it, although it stopped several times without reason.

Overall nice effect. What's the jumpcut at 00:47 going to be?

no, I didn't, but now, yes, it works in that way.

I 've not too much times to go deeper in my comments, so here's few ones :
- the camera moving(s) could be smoother (ease-in ease-out)
- in the 1rst scene, I think the woman is getting smaller a bit too much (or too quickly),
in regard of her walking, the perspective of the room, and the zoom-in of the camera,
her highest point (hair) is upper the "Director" inscription upper the door in the BG before the Zoom-in,
after the camera zoom-in, it's too much lower imo, see pict.)
- the man with the whistle appears suddenly (cut) at the door, need to add few drawings/frames before.

otherwise, I enjoyed the last scene !
(now I have to read the text to understand what's all about ... )

Markus, jumpcut at 00.47 ? don't you point to 1:00 ?

Klaus Hoefs wrote:in the 1rst scene, I think the woman is getting smaller a bit too much (or too quickly),
in regard of her walking, the perspective of the room, and the zoom-in of the camera,

Raymond, thank you very much - I didn't work it over because, I wanted to focus on the director's office as an overpowering room.
But it seems, that it only looks like a simple mistake...
Thank you for hinting to the missing frames of the deputy director (the man with the whistle).

Hi,

This is the Story Police speaking. I couldn't follow what's going on. It seems that everyone has been told that the stage is wider than it really is -- nothing much happens Center Stage, so I couldn't anchor my sights on a central story. (A technical note here: if this were to appear on TV you should be aware of the huge overscan of the HD format. Take the diagram in Vegas seriously; too much gets cut off on the sides.) There is a man narrating, sure, but while I'm trying to figure out who he is, others, even a lizard move about or pop in and out without giving me a clue as to what's going on. Is it your intention to start off with confusion, and if so, why?

For a place of oppression (I can say this only because I have read the story) I don't feel it. On the contrary, this looks like an airy room (hall even) with much freedom about. People come and go as they please, no one seems to be linked to anyone else -- a bit of a lunatic's asylum.

Paul Fierlinger wrote:a bit of a lunatic's asylum

That was one intention (bank as an asylum), but you're right with the hall, it could be a room of claustrophobic proportions.

That was one intention (bank as an asylum), but you're right with the hall, it could be a room of claustrophobic proportions.

... where people speak in whispers and one is constantly aware of the other -- suspicious, jealous and servile. A whistle blown at them would certainly have them bending further into their dreary paper shuffling (why don't we see any of that, BTW?) and the guy with the whistle would want to see that his whistle has that effect before he departs.

That has

Paul Fierlinger wrote:A whistle blown at them would certainly have them bending further into their dreary paper shuffling (why don't we see any of that, BTW?) and the guy with the whistle would want to see that his whistle has that effect before he departs.

I think I ran in difficulties concerning the role of the narrator (the person with glasses). He has to stay cool, because he is narrating, so he is a bit out off scene. But he is the victim (also a paranoid), but able to comment his situation. Maybe I can split him into two - one living in the scene, the other appearing near by the fiirst as a ghost-like (?), narrating.

I believe all you need to do to show that is to have him surrounded by people with whom he at first interacts (stands over someone while pointing at things he is doing wrong while filling out a piece of paper etc. but at the same time fe lifts his head once in awhile to speak to us -- in other words, show that we can hear him but they can't. If you would split him into two, you are creating further confusions; you do not want to show that he is a split personality -- you want to say that he can say things to us that the others can't hear, so simply stay with that.

This, at least with me, is the first rule of good story-telling; be direct, uncomplicated, but with wit, or charm, or in an absurd way, to keep things interesting without interfering with the story line flow. I guess you might call it being both blunt and factitious at the same time.

May I suggest some things? I haven't read the story, but I know offices (better than I ever wanted). The room doesn't need to be small in order to turn down everyone's mood.

There are certain circumstances which make people feel uncomfortable in the same room. Some of those are:
- have to sit with the back to doors, hallways, and other people
- being observed
- have no room for the elbows on the table
- have wrong light (too bright, too dark, wrong direction)
- have uncomfortable chairs
- furniture cuts into room (like a file cabinet) or stands in everyone's way

So you could try to construct a floor plan first, with a kind of "reverse feng shui" in mind, and place people according to their function in the story. Then you could show 1) the looks they give each other and 2) the view each of them has. I see a lot of possibilities here with looks from one person to another. It's a bit like what Hitchcock says, that he does everything with the looks and the edit.

Thank you very much Markus for all the tips.
So that happens if coming out of a closed room with posting a clip - I've to work it all over again