WIP. animated short for cable TV. excerpt.

[malcooning]

[Paul Fierlinger]

I think the characters look very washed out, and not having outlines makes them look sort of unfinished. I appreciate the effort to color them with the same watercolor look as the background, which comes out very nice looking. Sandra and I have gone through this stage too, until we just decided that backgrounds are just that; something behind the characters and kept our characters painted louder to look like players on a stage. To give them texture though, Sandra discovered a trick she absolutely loves and sticks to: your water color paint brushes -- maybe you should try this

I also think the boy carrying the package could use some improvement. I assume you are trying to make the package look very heavy, in which case he should sag under the weight and move in a slouched way while keeping his feet far apart and stumbling sort of left and right and forward with quick steps (even escalating short and quick steps.) The holds aren't working in my view because you are doing everything in the opposite way -- erect, holding the package high in the air, and making even, light steps. Giving these steps long holds isn’t enough.

[slowtiger]

No outlines is OK, but why are the characters so washed out? If they were as saturated or dark as the car and the trees they wouldn't look like ghosts.

Also I agree with Paul about the walk and the "wrong" holds. If it should indicate a pause for weight shifting, I'd do that as a moving hold and have a living texture there. (Right now I'm in a project where nearly every hold is moving. It's worth the two more drawings per hold because even longer holds don't look boring (or just unfinished)).

[Klaus Hoefs]

Concerning weights and holds I think both, Paul and Markus, are right.
What I like: the design of the car, the paintings of background, the scene-setup and composition which has btw a taste of 3D.
Dislike: the characters in design and partly in animation, to my taste too much like wildcards. But this maybe wanted in commercials.
Yes, I would give them more personality.